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emerald_embersTitle: Balance
Fandom: Digital Devil Saga
Pairing: Embryon/Roland
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1175
Summary: He'd never felt such a powerful sense of belonging.
Given that the Embryon were a group of guerilla fighters who could transform into demons at will, Roland wasn't exactly short of reasons to find them strange. Not to mention that he had issues enough of his own since infecting himself with the virus; Indra didn't exactly keep quiet about its constant hunger for flesh.
With the above already preying on his mind, he could scarcely understand why he managed to find time to notice, let alone be puzzled by, the Embryon's constant tendency towards physical affection. Organised physical affection at that, as if it was something to be rationed and carefully controlled. Cielo was quite happy to sling his arms around anyone who stood still long enough, Serph to rest a comforting hand on someone's shoulder, but when there was a moment of brief peace in a relatively safe place Serph would look to the others and, if any nodded, gesture for them to come over and the group would just... hug. Nothing sexual, nothing demanding, just hugging.
But hugging wasn't normal, not for adults - hell, not for kids anymore either, not since the virus and Karma Society. It wasn't something people did, not since a child telling his mother about the monsters under the bed would lead to a search from men with shotguns.
He was almost used to being left out of these exchanges when the day finally came that he was brought in.
They had all watched Serph fall; something unheard passing between his lips and Heat's ear as the two of them stumbled back, beyond recovery. Gale assumed leadership swiftly, guided the group to relative safety as soon as possible, and then before new plans could be drawn up, a new strategy formed, something in Cielo broke. Roland had seen plenty of grown men cry over the years out of fear or pain or loss, but Cielo's sobbing went uncontrolled, near heaving, misery so tangible it was infectious and Gale cradling his skull didn't seem enough to stop it or even to slow it down. Gale gestured to Argilla as Serph once had, but she shook her head, curled up in the corner and hugging her knees to her chest.
It was embarrassing to admit, but Roland barely knew what to do when Gale extended the gesture to him. He'd spent so much time staring into an empty glass that he'd almost forgotten how to help with someone else's sorrow.
Up close he hadn't realised how tall Gale was, or how short Cielo, and finding places for his arms to go was awkward, but Cielo's back was warm against his front and he hadn't known it felt natural to ease someone's pain like this when you actually did it. Cielo's sobbing continued but it felt smoother now, not yet controlled but changed into something that wouldn't kill him. He couldn't see Cielo's face with the angle and the fact it was pressed against Gale's chest anyway, but Gale's expression was clear, his eyes soft with an understanding that looked a hell of a lot like compassion. Leave it to an analytical mind to figure out emotions.
It was the first time he'd been allowed into the group but it wasn't the last - for better or worse, it seemed he'd proven himself worthy; after his realisation he could open the gates in the power plant, even Argilla thawed.
It was still strange that in the few breaks they had he could rest his head against Argilla's chest or have Gale's thighs across his and it not be a sexual thing. If he'd had more time he might have found himself getting more comfortable with it swiftly; it was still weird, but it felt natural - felt more like belonging than he'd ever known before. Something about being held just made you feel... real. Made the people around you feel real too, when you hadn't even known you doubted it.
Even without Adil's death or Fred's constant presence a reminder of everything he had done wrong, the Embryon's acceptance of him would have made the sacrifice worthwhile. After all, it wasn't as if he was being a noble, impressive character as Serph had been when guarding Sera; he was just making ends meet, making his Karma for Greg's death balance a little better.
He hadn't expected to see them again. Had expected less that Heat would step aside and let him continue on with the Embryon to the end.
And it wasn't Argilla who had died with him, or Gale who had invited him in who welcomed him first. Not even Serph - no, Seraph now - the leader, the instigator. It was Cielo.
They couldn't rest for long, lacked the time - and how strangely funny was that, the way they had all died but were still rushing? - but after Meganada, after taking down the same bastard that had crushed Adil and Argilla, Cielo had walked over to Roland and wrapped both arms around Roland's waist without prompting. He'd almost made the mistake of asking what Cielo was doing, but the blue-haired boy squeezed tight enough that Roland might have been a little bit worried about air if he was still alive, before walking over to Meganada's corpse and kicking it hard.
After a moment's thought, Roland and Argilla split Meganada's corpse. It was only fair. And it made more than a decent meal.
Seraph seemed faintly above them - more than physically, although the floating thing was a little weird - when they looked up at God's data, preparing themselves to face It, Her, Him, or whatever God truly was, but Seraph was still Sera and still Serph, and knew their rituals off by heart. The gesture was familiar even if Roland had only ever seen Gale extend it in his direction before, and being welcomed in by all of them - Seraph, Argilla, Gale, Cielo - it was... well.
He hadn't really felt welcome around humans for years now, despite Adil's best efforts. And while it probably should have felt horribly corny, the others all used the word in sincerity, and that sincerity made up for it; he felt like a comrade.
Cielo pressed his face into Roland's neck for a second even if Roland was pretty sure it was Gale and Seraph's arms around his waist this time, and Cielo's worried little frown made something inside him melt a little; somehow, that tiny gesture meant more than the hug, even if it still didn't mean quite as much as that moment when Cielo said quietly into his ear, "After all this you find us, ya? We'll meet up again?"
"I'll try," Roland replied, before Argilla cuffed him around the back of the head.
"You'll do more than try," Argilla cautioned, before smiling and separating off, heralding the rest of the group separating.
Seraph looked to them all one more time, an equally familiar gesture as they looked to the last great mass of solar data, and they nodded.
Time to make a final request.
The End
Fandom: Digital Devil Saga
Pairing: Embryon/Roland
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1175
Summary: He'd never felt such a powerful sense of belonging.
Given that the Embryon were a group of guerilla fighters who could transform into demons at will, Roland wasn't exactly short of reasons to find them strange. Not to mention that he had issues enough of his own since infecting himself with the virus; Indra didn't exactly keep quiet about its constant hunger for flesh.
With the above already preying on his mind, he could scarcely understand why he managed to find time to notice, let alone be puzzled by, the Embryon's constant tendency towards physical affection. Organised physical affection at that, as if it was something to be rationed and carefully controlled. Cielo was quite happy to sling his arms around anyone who stood still long enough, Serph to rest a comforting hand on someone's shoulder, but when there was a moment of brief peace in a relatively safe place Serph would look to the others and, if any nodded, gesture for them to come over and the group would just... hug. Nothing sexual, nothing demanding, just hugging.
But hugging wasn't normal, not for adults - hell, not for kids anymore either, not since the virus and Karma Society. It wasn't something people did, not since a child telling his mother about the monsters under the bed would lead to a search from men with shotguns.
He was almost used to being left out of these exchanges when the day finally came that he was brought in.
They had all watched Serph fall; something unheard passing between his lips and Heat's ear as the two of them stumbled back, beyond recovery. Gale assumed leadership swiftly, guided the group to relative safety as soon as possible, and then before new plans could be drawn up, a new strategy formed, something in Cielo broke. Roland had seen plenty of grown men cry over the years out of fear or pain or loss, but Cielo's sobbing went uncontrolled, near heaving, misery so tangible it was infectious and Gale cradling his skull didn't seem enough to stop it or even to slow it down. Gale gestured to Argilla as Serph once had, but she shook her head, curled up in the corner and hugging her knees to her chest.
It was embarrassing to admit, but Roland barely knew what to do when Gale extended the gesture to him. He'd spent so much time staring into an empty glass that he'd almost forgotten how to help with someone else's sorrow.
Up close he hadn't realised how tall Gale was, or how short Cielo, and finding places for his arms to go was awkward, but Cielo's back was warm against his front and he hadn't known it felt natural to ease someone's pain like this when you actually did it. Cielo's sobbing continued but it felt smoother now, not yet controlled but changed into something that wouldn't kill him. He couldn't see Cielo's face with the angle and the fact it was pressed against Gale's chest anyway, but Gale's expression was clear, his eyes soft with an understanding that looked a hell of a lot like compassion. Leave it to an analytical mind to figure out emotions.
It was the first time he'd been allowed into the group but it wasn't the last - for better or worse, it seemed he'd proven himself worthy; after his realisation he could open the gates in the power plant, even Argilla thawed.
It was still strange that in the few breaks they had he could rest his head against Argilla's chest or have Gale's thighs across his and it not be a sexual thing. If he'd had more time he might have found himself getting more comfortable with it swiftly; it was still weird, but it felt natural - felt more like belonging than he'd ever known before. Something about being held just made you feel... real. Made the people around you feel real too, when you hadn't even known you doubted it.
Even without Adil's death or Fred's constant presence a reminder of everything he had done wrong, the Embryon's acceptance of him would have made the sacrifice worthwhile. After all, it wasn't as if he was being a noble, impressive character as Serph had been when guarding Sera; he was just making ends meet, making his Karma for Greg's death balance a little better.
He hadn't expected to see them again. Had expected less that Heat would step aside and let him continue on with the Embryon to the end.
And it wasn't Argilla who had died with him, or Gale who had invited him in who welcomed him first. Not even Serph - no, Seraph now - the leader, the instigator. It was Cielo.
They couldn't rest for long, lacked the time - and how strangely funny was that, the way they had all died but were still rushing? - but after Meganada, after taking down the same bastard that had crushed Adil and Argilla, Cielo had walked over to Roland and wrapped both arms around Roland's waist without prompting. He'd almost made the mistake of asking what Cielo was doing, but the blue-haired boy squeezed tight enough that Roland might have been a little bit worried about air if he was still alive, before walking over to Meganada's corpse and kicking it hard.
After a moment's thought, Roland and Argilla split Meganada's corpse. It was only fair. And it made more than a decent meal.
Seraph seemed faintly above them - more than physically, although the floating thing was a little weird - when they looked up at God's data, preparing themselves to face It, Her, Him, or whatever God truly was, but Seraph was still Sera and still Serph, and knew their rituals off by heart. The gesture was familiar even if Roland had only ever seen Gale extend it in his direction before, and being welcomed in by all of them - Seraph, Argilla, Gale, Cielo - it was... well.
He hadn't really felt welcome around humans for years now, despite Adil's best efforts. And while it probably should have felt horribly corny, the others all used the word in sincerity, and that sincerity made up for it; he felt like a comrade.
Cielo pressed his face into Roland's neck for a second even if Roland was pretty sure it was Gale and Seraph's arms around his waist this time, and Cielo's worried little frown made something inside him melt a little; somehow, that tiny gesture meant more than the hug, even if it still didn't mean quite as much as that moment when Cielo said quietly into his ear, "After all this you find us, ya? We'll meet up again?"
"I'll try," Roland replied, before Argilla cuffed him around the back of the head.
"You'll do more than try," Argilla cautioned, before smiling and separating off, heralding the rest of the group separating.
Seraph looked to them all one more time, an equally familiar gesture as they looked to the last great mass of solar data, and they nodded.
Time to make a final request.
The End
